


happy

by pastelhajime



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Future Fic, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-23 23:03:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9686051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelhajime/pseuds/pastelhajime
Summary: Kuroo-san?" The manager came running in with a phone and a worried look. "You've got a phone call, and its urgent.""Aiko," The coach chastised. "We're in the middle of a match."Kuroo stood up. "No, it's fine." He looked back at the manager. "Who is it?"The manager swallowed. "It's Akaashi-san." She answered. "He's not doing so good."





	

**Author's Note:**

> for michael!! i love u and here's a late birthday gift i guess but i hope u enjoy it 

_This was the loudest he'd ever heard a crowd.  
_

_Millions of people, red faced, screaming names until their voices gave out._

_Screaming his name._

_But the one voice he wanted to hear saying his name was nowhere to be heard._

\-------

"Kuroo!" Bokuto beamed, slapping his best friend on the back. "You ready to play?"

The raven haired boy grinned. "You bet," He smirked, eyes gleaming. "I can't wait to win."

Bokuto roared at that, tilting his head back. "Isn't it great to be playing on the same team instead of against each other?"

"Yeah," Kuroo nodded solemnly, finishing his stretches. "But Nekoma was still a better team that Fukurodani, and you know it."

"That's a lie, because I was there!" Bokuto exclaimed, pointing dramatically to himself. Kuroo rolled his eyes.

"Say, when you get paid, do they issue a seperate check to your ego, seeing it's so big?" Kuroo laughed as Bokuto pouted. "Bokuto, I'm kidding."

"If Akaashi were here, he would have smacked you by now." Bokuto mumbled. Kuroo looked down.

"But he's not," The former Nekoma student muttered. Bokuto's gaze softened.

"Kuroo," Bokuto took a seat by Kuroo on the locker room bench. "You're not still worried about Akaashi, are you?"

"How could I not be?" Kuroo took a drink from his water bottle and sighed. "These headaches have been getting more frequent, and I just—"

"Hey," Bokuto offered his friend a soft smile. "You may be dating Akaashi, but he's still my best friend." Kuroo shook his head. "And if there's anything I know about him, is that he's strong." Bokuto got up. "He'll be okay, trust me."

Kuroo stood up as well. "Yeah...I guess so."

Bokuto laughed. "Have I ever been wrong?" He grinned gleefully. "Now, let's play some ball!"

\--------

"Kuroo!" The coach laughed during halftime, slapping the raven haired boy's back. "You're killing it out there!"

Kuroo smiled weakly and wiped the sweat off his chin. "Thanks," He muttered, eyes scanning the crowd.

"Expecting someone?" The coach asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, actually, I—" Kuroo's eyes reached the end of the crowd, but Akaashi still wasn't seen. "Sorry, no, I'm not."

The coach sent Kuroo a puzzled look. "Huh. Alright. Well, keep doing what you're doing."

"Sure," Kuroo smiled again, but it fell apart as soon as the coach left.

"Akaashi's not here," The raven haired boy looked up to see Bokuto. "Weird."

"I'm worried, Bo." Kuroo admitted, biting his lip. "He never misses any of my matches."

"Kuroo," Bokuto rubbed his friend's back in soothing circles. "He's gonna be okay, just—"

"Kuroo-san?" The manager came running in with a phone and a worried look. "You've got a phone call, and its urgent."

"Aiko," The coach chastised. "We're in the middle of a match."

Kuroo stood up. "No, it's fine." He looked back at the manager. "Who is it?"

The manager swallowed. "It's Akaashi-san." She answered. "He's not doing so good."

\--------

_You're pathetic._

Akaashi raised his hands up to his ears, trying to block out the screaming voices. They raged in his head, shrieking and making his head pound. He felt faint.

_No one loves you._

Staggering to his feet, Akaashi let out a low groan, before giving out and collapsing onto the bed. His hair fell into his eyes, mixing in with the sweat and tears already there. His stomach heaved, and threw up against the side of the bed.

_You're worthless. Just die already._

Screwing his eyes shut, Akaashi tried to think back to a time he didn't feel so terrible. These voices had always been there, but lately they'd been getting louder and fiercer, and he didn't know how to cope.

_You're an excuse of a human. Give it up._

He didn't want to feel this way; there was no reason for him to do so. He had a loving boyfriend, a small but close circle of friends that cared about him, and a good job at the local pharmacy. He was doing okay.

_Please, Akaashi. Stop lying to yourself._

Yet for some reason, the voices wouldn't go away. They seemed to grow more furious whenever something good happened to him, and eventually, when he felt his lowest, they'd grow silent, only because he didn't need them to feel bad.

_Who's going to save you now?_

"Kuroo," Akaashi croaked out loud, and crawled over to the nightstand where his phone lay. Fingers trembling, he scrolled through his contacts before landing on his partner's name.

"Hello?" A voice answered. Akaashi tried not to cry in relief.

"Kuroo," He repeated. The voice laughed nervously.

"I'm sorry, this isn't Kuroo-san. He's in the middle of a match right now." Akaashi froze. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten. "Can I take a message?"

_You're a terrible boyfriend._

"Hello?" The voice asked again. Akaashi shook his head.

"It's Akaashi." He whispered. "Tell him I'm not well."

"Alright," The voice agreed. "I'll get the phone to him. You hold on."

Akaashi closed his eyes. "Thank you."

"Don't worry about it," The voice insisted. "You're going to be okay, Akaashi-san."

_No, you're not._

\---------

"Akaashi!" Kuroo yelled again, but the line fell silent. The younger boy only had enough strength to tell Kuroo that 'it's happening again'. Tears streaked down Kuroo's cheeks.

"Is he okay?" Bokuto asked, voice low. Kuroo ignored him.

"Coach," He begged, taking shaky breaths. "You've got to let me go."

The coach looked up from talking to another player, and shook his head. "Not a chance, Kuroo." He ordered. "We need you to win."

Bokuto looked worriedly as Kuroo let out an exasperated groan. "I'll stay back for the next one hundred practices and do all the drills you want me to and never skip again for the rest of my life if you let me go just this once."

"I don't care, Kuroo." The coach shrugged. "You made a commitment. Don't back down now."

"I made a commitment to Akaashi as well, Coach." Kuroo's eyes darted to the door. "I can't let him down, not when he needs me most."

The coach laughed. "What, do you love this boy?"

Kuroo's face turned rock hard. "Yes, actually I do." He threw his bottle at Bokuto and wiped his eyes. "Bo, cover for me."

All the humour left the coach's face. "You leave this gym, Kuroo, and you're going on reserve again." He took a step towards the ashen faced male. "Don't do something you're going to regret."

"Well," Kuroo cleared his throat. "I guess you'll have to save me a spot on the bench."

\---------

The door swung open, crashing against the wall. Flakes of plaster dust fell to the ground.

Akaashi opened his eyes wearily. "Kuroo,"

The raven haired boy raced around the apartment. He felt the fear bubbling up in his throat, making him sick. "Akaashi!"

The younger boy felt tears in his eyes. He hadn't meant to make Kuroo so worried.

Yet that's all you ever do.

"Akaa—oh, God." Kuroo ran to Akaashi's side, and without saying anything swept the other boy into his arms, running his hands through his hair. Akaashi didn't say a word, but felt his heart break when he felt the wetness of Kuroo's tears in his hair.

"Kuroo," Akaashi groaned again, and this time Kuroo let out a sob. "You came back."

"Are you kidding me?" Kuroo pulled away to look at Akaashi—eyes bloodshot, hair tousled, shirt wrinkled in ways he didn't even know possible. "I knew something was wrong when you didn't show up."

"Don't remind me," Akaashi felt a lump form in his throat. "I'm so sorry, Kuroo, I—"

Kuroo shushed him, pulling the younger boy to his chest. "It's okay," He soothed. "You're okay now, Akaashi."

"I missed your first game," Akaashi mumbled into Kuroo's shirt. "I'm a terrible boyfriend."

"God, Akaashi." Kuroo laughed breathlessly. "You're literally falling apart, yet you're worried about some stupid game?" He pressed a kiss to Akaashi's temple. "Only you would be like this, I swear."

"It's not a stupid game," Akaashi sobbed. "I ruined it, too."

"Listen to me," Kuroo held Akaashi at arm's length. He wiped the other's tears and offered him a small smile. "I love volleyball. It's fun to play, and I'm good at it. But I would give it up any day just to make sure you're okay."

Akaashi shook his head. "You're stupid."

"Yeah, I know." Kuroo laughed. "But I'm stupid for you. You're my favourite person in the whole world, Akaashi, I'd pick you over volleyball always."

"You don't have to, Kuroo." Akaashi whispered. The voices began screaming again, so he brought his hands to his ears.

"Hey," Kuroo pulled Akaashi's hands away. Akaashi stared at him. "I want to. And I'm here for you. By choice, purely."

Akaashi began crying again, not just because his head hurt. "You're so stupid, Kuroo."

"Okay, now I'm hurt." Kuroo joked, and Akaashi shook his head, but he was smiling. Kuroo brushed the hair away from his face. "It's nice to see you doing better, Akaashi."

"I'm not, really." He admitted. Kuroo's face fell.

"Akaashi," Kuroo looked into Akaashi's eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I—" Akaashi felt the lump reappear in his throat.

_You're pathetic._

_You're so weak._

_No one loves you._

"What?" Kuroo whispered, eyes watering. "Is that what you think of yourself, Akaashi?"

Akaashi closed his eyes, tears slipping out. He hadn't meant to say it out loud, but there was no use denying it. Instead, he just closed his eyes and tried to erase himself from existence.

"Akaashi," Kuroo wrapped his arms around the younger boy and stroked his hair. Akaashi knew he was safe, but he still couldn't help but feel on edge. "How long have you been feeling this way?"

"I don't know," Akaashi wouldn't meet Kuroo's eyes. Kuroo sighed.

"I wish you'd talk to me, Akaashi." Kuroo shook his head, biting his lip. Akaashi sucked in a breath. "I only want to help."

"You can't," Akaashi blurted out. Kuroo's eyes widened.

"That's not what I meant," Akaashi hastily added. "I just meant that, I appreciate you being here but—" A sob erupted from his throat. "—you can't do anything."

"Is it my fault?" Kuroo begged. Akaashi hated the desperation in his eyes. "Tell me, and I'll fix it."

"You can't fix it, Kuroo." Akaashi began crying again. Kuroo sighed again and held the other boy closer.

"Alright, maybe I can't." Kuroo kissed Akaashi's hair, knowing it helped calm him down. "But I'm going to take care of you while you fix it yourself."

Akaashi shook his head. "It's not that simple, Kuroo, I—"

"Its not simple, hey, I get it." Kuroo got up. "But you're strong, Akaashi, quite possibly the strongest person I know."

"What?" Kuroo smiled as Akaashi frowned.

"I'm saying, you can do this." Kuroo swept some hair out of his own eyes, and that's when it hit Akaashi that he really did love him. "I'm just gonna make sure you do it the right way."

"Kuroo," Akaashi breathed. Kuroo stuck his hand out.

"I'm going to make you feel as happy as you make me, Akaashi." Akaashi latched himself onto Kuroo's arm and let Kuroo pull him up. "And that's a promise."

\-------

_You're so pa—_

No, I'm not.

_You're so wea—_

No, I'm not.

_No one loves you._

No, someone does.

And they make me _happy_.

 


End file.
